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Funny Shit

Posted by kevinbrunt on January 27, 2008

Several of the family were sitting around my dining room table one night and haveing a few beers…..of course dear old Dad is the comedian and the subject of Walker Texas Ranger came up. Seems this is the favorite television show of many an old Bastard, including Dad. We were laughing at how Walker could do anything. There were shows of him flying planes and helicopters. There were shows about him driving in Nascar races(and winning). He could whip as many asses that would come at him and he would never lose his hat….well old Dad just blurted out that he wished he had a son like that. It was a funny damn moment. Anyway, that got me researching Chuck Norris and I came across a site called www.chucknorrisfacts.com  Here are some of my favorites from that site:

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  • Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

  • Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  • There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
  • Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.
  • Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  • Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  • Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost
  • Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.
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